Things that occur when not speaking...

As some of you know, I found out recently that I developed nodes on my vocal chords from talking/yelling over the loud music at my bar job. Nodes are like callouses. In a healthy voice, the vocal chords seal completely to vibrate, producing sound. In a voice with nodes, the vocal chords can't seal around the bump of the node, thus diminishing the vibration and resulting in an attractive, bedroom huskiness, but also less clarity, range, volume and stamina. As an actor and singer, I'm choosing the latter and am halfway through a doctor-prescribed week of not talking, humming, singing, lauging or any other tonal noise-making. Coupled with a cortisone shot on Day 1 and daily doses of the oral steroid Prednazone, the nodes should be greatly diminished by this Thursday. I'll find out when the doctor sticks a camera back down my throat. Then it's into training with a highly reccommended vocal coach to relearn how to breathe properly and support my voice at the bar. If the nodes come back, I'll have to switch restaurant jobs and probably move out of bartending and into serving which happens in a quieter environment with better hours, but could result in less income. This would be sad, as I really like my current bartending job and the folks I work with, which is rare in the service industry. The plusses would be if I could find a place nearer to where I live, I could bike or walk to work and use much less gas, which would also result in spending less money, burn more calories, and get more sleep because the restaurant hours end earlier than a bar where I get off around 2 am. Not so hot for a morning person who's cat likes to wake her up at 7 am. There is, always, a bright side. The question is whether you choose to look at it or not.
It's proving to be a really interesting experience. People's reactions to my situation have included empathy from a bank teller who'd had a tumor on her vocal chords and knew exactly what was going on with me, a dental hygenist who seemed to think I was hard of hearing, a myriad of people who's impulse is to write me back in my notebook instead of speaking back to me which they're perfectly capable of doing, and some people who seem to think it's unfair for them to talk if I can't, so they start making gestures and mouthing things. And a lot of people read my notes out loud, as if voicing my side of the conversation for themselves, and then answer back. And then there are the rare few who just go about business as usual which is becoming more and more refreshing. I didn't realize how much we change our behaviors around someone we perceive as disabled or challenged. In my dealings with deaf people, have I over mouthed words when they're perfectly capable of reading my lips when I speak regularly? With friends who are in wheelchairs, have I chosen to sit down because they can't stand up? It's very interesting to see how people respond, and I really do recommend it to all of you. Just give it a try - it will expand your understanding of other people, and really make you appreciate the power of speech.
I've realized I've really taken the ability to make noise for granted. I allow myself to get so busy that I don't make time to sing, to craft poems, to write, to tell stories. Today is Day 5 of the vocal rest and starting with Day 3, I really missed being able to express my ideas in depth, tell stories about myself, make complex philosphical observations. Day 4 I started really missing the poetry of language. When you're half of the conversation consists of typed or hand-written notes, you have to keep it short and sweet to keep up with the speed of spoken language, so you forgo the poetry. Is this where texting will take us? Communication, but no artistry? Skeletal notes without the rich flesh of language? I hope not. The ability we have to make visual art with words, to create auditory soundscapes with vowels and consonants... It's magical. It's fun. It's creative. It's a gift to make the world and our interactions more beautiful with words.
And Day 4 and 5 I've realized I really, really miss singing. Again, it's a gift to bring something beautiful into the world, and I have a gift, as a singer, that I haven't put to good use in the last few years. I pulled out the guitar I bought from a friend... 4 years ago now(?) and pulled out the "Teach Yourself to Play Guitar" book I have and am going to stick with it this time. I keep thinking about the time I spent in piano lessons and learning the trumpet in the middle school band and wishing I'd spent it all on guitar. I guess that's the lesson for me - teach yourself, it's never too late...

More soon. Love love love.