Things that occur when not speaking...

As some of you know, I found out recently that I developed nodes on my vocal chords from talking/yelling over the loud music at my bar job. Nodes are like callouses. In a healthy voice, the vocal chords seal completely to vibrate, producing sound. In a voice with nodes, the vocal chords can't seal around the bump of the node, thus diminishing the vibration and resulting in an attractive, bedroom huskiness, but also less clarity, range, volume and stamina. As an actor and singer, I'm choosing the latter and am halfway through a doctor-prescribed week of not talking, humming, singing, lauging or any other tonal noise-making. Coupled with a cortisone shot on Day 1 and daily doses of the oral steroid Prednazone, the nodes should be greatly diminished by this Thursday. I'll find out when the doctor sticks a camera back down my throat. Then it's into training with a highly reccommended vocal coach to relearn how to breathe properly and support my voice at the bar. If the nodes come back, I'll have to switch restaurant jobs and probably move out of bartending and into serving which happens in a quieter environment with better hours, but could result in less income. This would be sad, as I really like my current bartending job and the folks I work with, which is rare in the service industry. The plusses would be if I could find a place nearer to where I live, I could bike or walk to work and use much less gas, which would also result in spending less money, burn more calories, and get more sleep because the restaurant hours end earlier than a bar where I get off around 2 am. Not so hot for a morning person who's cat likes to wake her up at 7 am. There is, always, a bright side. The question is whether you choose to look at it or not.
It's proving to be a really interesting experience. People's reactions to my situation have included empathy from a bank teller who'd had a tumor on her vocal chords and knew exactly what was going on with me, a dental hygenist who seemed to think I was hard of hearing, a myriad of people who's impulse is to write me back in my notebook instead of speaking back to me which they're perfectly capable of doing, and some people who seem to think it's unfair for them to talk if I can't, so they start making gestures and mouthing things. And a lot of people read my notes out loud, as if voicing my side of the conversation for themselves, and then answer back. And then there are the rare few who just go about business as usual which is becoming more and more refreshing. I didn't realize how much we change our behaviors around someone we perceive as disabled or challenged. In my dealings with deaf people, have I over mouthed words when they're perfectly capable of reading my lips when I speak regularly? With friends who are in wheelchairs, have I chosen to sit down because they can't stand up? It's very interesting to see how people respond, and I really do recommend it to all of you. Just give it a try - it will expand your understanding of other people, and really make you appreciate the power of speech.
I've realized I've really taken the ability to make noise for granted. I allow myself to get so busy that I don't make time to sing, to craft poems, to write, to tell stories. Today is Day 5 of the vocal rest and starting with Day 3, I really missed being able to express my ideas in depth, tell stories about myself, make complex philosphical observations. Day 4 I started really missing the poetry of language. When you're half of the conversation consists of typed or hand-written notes, you have to keep it short and sweet to keep up with the speed of spoken language, so you forgo the poetry. Is this where texting will take us? Communication, but no artistry? Skeletal notes without the rich flesh of language? I hope not. The ability we have to make visual art with words, to create auditory soundscapes with vowels and consonants... It's magical. It's fun. It's creative. It's a gift to make the world and our interactions more beautiful with words.
And Day 4 and 5 I've realized I really, really miss singing. Again, it's a gift to bring something beautiful into the world, and I have a gift, as a singer, that I haven't put to good use in the last few years. I pulled out the guitar I bought from a friend... 4 years ago now(?) and pulled out the "Teach Yourself to Play Guitar" book I have and am going to stick with it this time. I keep thinking about the time I spent in piano lessons and learning the trumpet in the middle school band and wishing I'd spent it all on guitar. I guess that's the lesson for me - teach yourself, it's never too late...

More soon. Love love love.

Catching up on life, love, learning

So, it's been just over a year since I wrote. A lot has happened. I'm now single, after the enormous realization that I want to put my career first, and any thoughts of starting a family far, far away. Even though I think I'd be a great mother, mothering is not what I feel my purpose is, at this time or, perhaps, ever. I've carved out that option for myself - that I may be someone who is never a mother. And equally, I may be someone who is. Only time will tell.
I delved into my childhood, and discovered what I learned and didn't learn from my parents, what I got and didn't get from growing up in the family I grew up in, and I've realized a lot about myself, including that I wouldn't trade my family for anyone else's. Happily, my relationships within my family have gotten deeper as a result of that work and I've come to know myself more clearly, and become more honest with myself and what I want.
Now, I'm working on what I want. I'm clarifying my career goals, creating a vision board, writing, etc. I have a name for my some day film company. I'm working on a few scripts. I'm meeting more and more writers, directors, producers, and hyphenates of all those labels.
And I'm slowly but surely making this place, this City of Angels, my home. Meeting more people in my neighborhood, literally putting roots in the ground via my garden, and putting energy into organizing my bedroom and desk so they're not just places I sleep in and store stuff.
Maybe this whole process was part of my Saturn Returns. Maybe it was turning 30. Maybe everyone does this at some point. I hope so. I've learned so much, and knowledge is power. Self-knowledge is power-full.

Marmalade, Nature and Friends - Oh, my!

One month into 2010 and things are still going beautifully. I hope they are for you, too. I’ve been hiking almost every day this week with some friends from Cricket Feet and Bonnie Gillespie’s Class Rules/SMFA Seminar. An hour plus a day of social time in nature with other actors who don’t work with me at the bar? Hooray! That makes for a balanced and happy Jewel. We’re building friendships and having great conversation while working up a sweat. And we’re getting outside every day so we can really appreciate life in Southern California and not just life in Los Angeles. On a clear day, we can see out over the city all the way to the Pacific, and on the other side are the rolling foothills of the Santa Monica and San Bernadino Mountains. Beyond that, the peaks of the San Bernadinos are criss-crossed and swathed with lines of grey rock and ribbons of snow.

I’ve started another blog with some friends all about getting fitter by eating well. It’s called the Foxy Rabbits Club – “Eat like a rabbit, look like a fox”. If you’re looking for some tried and true low cal but full flavor recipes, look no futher than http://foxyrabbits.blogspot.com. I also started writing a web series this week. I’ve had the idea in my head for months, but it’s only been ready to come into the world and onto paper this week. More on that as it develops…

And another “Oh my god, LA is so small” story. I did a casting director workshop on Saturday with the VP of Casting at Sony. I walked into the room for my 3 min (yes, it is timed) one on one interview with her and she immediately said, “I know you… how do I know you?” I said, “Um… I don’t think we’ve met…” And then she figured out – she’d taken my yoga class at Yoga Works while I was teaching for their graduate program. Crazy! So we had a chance to talk about yoga, then life, then acting which is a great order when you’re hoping to get to know someone as a person and not just a business contact. On the business side of things, however, I had a chance to throw in part of my pitch I developed in the SMFA seminar. Over all, me acting like me, what we talked about, and her being really good at her job combined into her casting me extremely well, so I feel like she did “get me” from that short short interview. She gave me and my partner a scene from the Drew Carey show that got lots of laughs AND had some touching moments. Very fun. Then, after the workshop, I headed across the street to the dog adoption to pet four legged friends. It was so nice to have some dog time, and this adoption (Angels in Fur) was awesome – super nice volunteers and beautiful dogs, a lot of them mid-large sized which I much prefer to the shivery little ones. My friend Laura and I are thinking about volunteering with them once a month.

Oh! And I can’t believe I almost forgot this – before my workshop on Saturday, I went to a marmalade making demo! It was awesome. Kevin West of savingtheseason.com headed it up at Surfas. He demo-ed marmalade, vin de pamplemousse and then I had to leave to get to the workshop, but I think he went on to a lemon curd and… maybe one or two other things. I can’t wait to try my own!

SMFA Love!

SMFA stands for Self Management for Actors and is the title of one of the fabulous Bonnie Gillespie's books, now in it's 3rd edition. The book is available at her website, http://selfmanagementforactors.com/smfa/, as well as Amazon, Kindle, etc. Bonnie is an actor turned casting director/author and has taken on the mantle of teaching actors how much they can do on their own for their careers. As if that's not awesome enough, she's also the author of The Actor’s Voice column on Showfax (http://more.showfax.com/columns/avoice/) and a constant source of encouragement and concrete career advice for actors everywhere. I was lucky enough to spend my entire day yesterday in her very first SMFA seminar.

We met at the Temescal Canyon Conference Center on the first sunny day LA has had in a week and we did so much stuff! We typed each other, figured out what shows each of us would fit in on, developed our pitches, and discussed a myriad of other actor tools that will help us nurture our careers. Bonnie reminded us all that we’re here for the long run. This is a business founded on relationships and that foundation takes time to build. I also found out that your first co-star role and your first guest star role are two of the hardest things for an actor to get. So… what’s the best way to get in there? Referrals to casting directors? Play the numbers and target CDs on the shows that need the most co-stars every week? Beg everyone I know I to give me a co-star role? That’s the question I forgot to ask… I’ll email everyone from the seminar today and see what they think. Go figure, I come up with a pertinent question 4 hours AFTER we finish.

The shows that came up the most for me were Cougar Town, Modern Family, Trauma and House. Three of these shows are AFTRA which is great for me since I’m AFTRA already. Also, I’ve already started a relationship with one of the CD’s on Cougar Town, so I’ll continue to build that. For the other three, it’s time to start targeting them through casting director workshops and other networking events. I’ve set up google alerts for their names plus casting so I’ll know if they have speaking engagements or workshops I can attend or an interview on-line I can read, and I’m joining Women in Film today so I can attend their networking events. I guess if I focus on the process and not the end result, I’ll feel busy and pro-active instead of feeling like I’m waiting for something to happen, and that’s much more fulfilling!

Do you believe in magic?

22 days into the new year and it’s already been amazing! I had a great visit back east after working at the bar through the holidays. While I was gone, some magic happened to greet me on my return to LA! I met a very nice producer for a very popular show when she came to lunch at the bar. She gave me her assistant’s phone number and told me to call him and send in my headshot and resume. I did all of this – he was very nice on the phone – but nothing happened. This lovely nice fairy godmothersister of a producer came back into the bar earlier this week, asked me what had happened, I told her, “Nothing so far. I sent in my H/R but haven’t heard anything.”, and she called the office while having lunch and asked them to set up a general for me. The casting director’s office called me 3 hours later with an appointment for the next day! Amazing! I had these great juicy sides playing a character you at first thing deserved to get killed, but then later you find out she was trying help everyone. Let me start at the beginning.

I put some good solid work into my sides and then arrived at the audition neighborhood an hour early because I was determined not to be late. So, I had time to grab a tea, find a good parking spot, and run my sides a few more times in the car. In the meantime, the rain had begun again – for those of you who don’t know, we’ve had blazing sun to drizzle to mist to driving rain to hail to rainbows for pretty much the entire week. I get out of the car my pant legs were soaked in the 30 sec it took to put quarters in the meter. I got into the audition waiting room freezing and wet and shivering – thankfully the casting office had the heat on full blast for all of us cold, wet girls! I signed in and noticed that the other 2 girls their were repped by CAA (Creative Artists Agency) and Innovative Artists Agency – two major players in Hollywood. I meekly but determinedly drew a line through the box next to my name where it said “Agency”. Then I chatted a bit with the other 2 girls there and continued to look at my sides. Girl one left and a few moments later, Jewel Staite from Serendipity, Firefly and Stargate: Atlantis walked in! She was there to audition, too. The nice guy running the auditions came in and called out names and, as he read the list, he called out Meghan (“That’s me”), Jewel – Jewel S said “yup”, Julia “right here”, Jewel – I said “ yes” - and then Jewel Staite and I both said, “you’re a Jewel?” I said to the nice guy “I’m Jewel Greenberg.” “Ah!” he says, “then you must be Jewel Staite” – “Yes” she said. Then he left and Jewel S and I bonded over how each of us is the only other Jewel we know in LA. A lovely interaction and she really is as nice as Kaylee, her character from Firefly. As we were talking, it came out that I didn’t have representation. A collective gasp – “How did you get in here? It’s really hard.” Said one of the girls. I told them the story about the lovely executive producer and they exclaimed, “Wow, that is really lucky. Good for you! People dream about that kind of thing happening to them. Good luck!”
As all of this was going on, we would intermittently hear cussing and hurried walking/stomping from the casting director’s office next door. Not particularly soothing, one of the other girls said not to worry – this casting director is always like this. “Great.” I thought wryly, “My first tv audition in LA and I’m going in to a scary loud-voiced stomper”. Finally, it was my turn – I was fine when I got there, but did get progressively nervous as the waiting went on. When I went in, the cameraman met me at the door and I walked in to meet the casting director who, surprisingly, was all smiles and nice as pie. Well, maybe not pie – she wasn’t sticky sweet, but grounded and a straight shooter… Nice as a mushroom and sausage pizza pie maybe. We talked a little, she asked me how I knew the exec producer, and then we got into the sides. I appreciated how upfront she was about how they did things - right off the bat, she invited me to tell them if I wanted to do something over again because they edit the tape. We did each scene 2 or 3 time – sometimes at my request, but mainly at theirs so I felt like I really got a fair shake even though I’m new to this market. I’m proud to say I accomplished everything I set out to do – I showed emotional range, took direction well, and didn’t come off as nervous but as an actor who knows her craft and is confident. I haven’t heard anything, but I’d be surprised if I got the part. I’m pretty green to be given a juicy guest starring role like this without having a couple of co-start parts first, but you never know. Regardless, I got in front of a great casting director and I’ll keep in touch with her via postcards. Hopefully I co-star or a smaller guest star role when come out of it. And you never know – maybe she’ll call me next week, tell me the producers loved my tape and I’m go in for a producer call. That’s what Theo’s hoping for. I’m letting my hopes hone in on the more realistic eventually co-start. Whew! That long story was great thing number one.

Great thing number two is that I have a commercial agent! Right before Thanksgiving, a good friend of mine who’s a voice over agent gave my headshot and resume to a commercial agent (Rich) at his sister agency. I didn’t hear anything so I asked him to touch base with Rich a week after Thanksgiving. Still nothing, so I asked him to touch base with him again after New Year’s. He did so and they finally called. I went in for my interview last week and end up talking with the head of their non-union department for an hour – for those of you who don’t know, that is a loooooong time to be in an agency meeting. Rich and I really hit it off – I felt comfortable talking with him, I liked the atmosphere in the office, and the woman at the front desk was really nice and friendly. All major points for the agency! During our meeting, I felt that Rich took the time to answer my questions and ask me more than once if I had any questions for him. I felt cared for and I felt like he cared about the progression of my career as well, not just getting me signed. He really wanted to make sure his agency was the right fit for me. And I felt it was! I called him a few days later to confirm that I wanted to sign with them and now we’re all systems go. I’m going in to sign contracts next week, but I’ve already switched my LA Casting account over to BB&R. Now that it’s official, I can give you the details – I am the happiest new client at Brady, Brannon & Rich! That’s great thing number 2.

Great thing number 3 is that I met another (!) producer at my bar who offered to put me in touch with some great managers he knows. Yes, that would mean paying out more of my meager acting salary as I get jobs, but it would also mean I have someone looking out for me and my career and another person on my side who can get me in the door. That, so far, is the hardest part. I’m thrilled to start going out on commercial auditions, but I’ve been doing lots of casting director workshops and, though I feel like I have a good vibe with the CD’s and I get good feedback, I haven’t been called in theatrically yet. Maybe I should be targeting AFTRA shows? Maybe I need to start pulling on my contacts and asking for auditions? I’m not sure. I’m doing Bonnie Gillespie’s Self-Management for Actors Seminar (SMFA) tomorrow, and I’m planning to get answers to some of my questions then.

SMFA is going to be great because we’re going to talk about how to talk about ourselves. I’m great at networking, it turns out – I like talking to people, I’m able to craft an interesting conversation, I’m fun and I put people at ease – but I get all tongue tied when I feel like I’m on the spot and have to impress people with what I’ve done. Also, I always want to get into the details when someone asks, “How do you see yourself getting cast?” Probably, they just want to hear, “Doctor, lawyer, detective, mom, smart and slightly quirky lead.” But I want to say, “Well, I can play the smart, nice girl who gets a little crazy when stressed, or the cop who’s friendly most of the time but kicks ass when she has to, etc.” I need to keep it short, clear and to the point, and we’re going to tackle that tomorrow.

Oh, and one more exciting thing. We finally had our wrap part for Simply Simon and we got to watch Episode 1! It’s very funny and sweet and it looks amazing. Jarrett, our DP, and Tom, our director, did an amazing job visually. Ben, of course, did an incredible job writing (and acting). And the rest of us… oh, we did a’ight. More this spring when Simply Simon airs at www.watchsimplysimon.com.

late posting from Nov... 2009! Was that really last year?

Nov 29
So, as usual, it’s been a couple of months since I wrote! I can proudly say I’ve been busy. Since my last post, I’ve gotten a job, wrapped a web series, updated both my website and commercial reels, had new headshots taken, and had a lovely Thanksgiving with my mom and my boyfriend’s family, all together, for the first shared holiday. Sigh. You can check out the updated commercial reel at www.jewelgreenberg.com. I’m quickly approaching a year in LA and it’s satisfying to be able to look at my reel and say – these are all new spots. This is the image I’m promoting for myself within 8 months of moving to LA. It’s great to have something concrete to measure my progress by instead of the usual, “Oh, I’ve been doing workshops… I love my acting class… I’ve just been meeting a lot of people…” It’s also great to realize that there really is more work out here, and I’m getting some of it! After having short hair for 2 years in DC, I moved to LA and still had commercial footage of myself with long hair on my reel. After being here since for 9 months, my new commercial reel is all short hair footage!

Other exciting news is that we wrapped Simply Simon! I can’t tell you any details until we air in January, but it looks like my character may be coming back for Season 2, hopefully after some huge sponsor sweeps in and decides to pay our production costs. Keep your fingers crossed, and check out our behind the scenes blogs at www.watchsimplysimon.com.

I’ve also been learning a lot about myself. I’m bartending now at a restaurant pretty near my house and my awesome all girls bootcamp ended the same week I started training. I’ve been doing yoga, but no weight lifting or running plus I’ve been eating more restaurant food and drinking more than normal for me and what happened? Not only do I have a new job, I also have a new 5 lbs. So, it’s time to start running again and lifting weights, even though I’ll be doing it by myself. Theo and I have mad a pact that we’ll lose 7 lbs by mid-Jan. Here goes! We’ve both gotten a little puffy around the mid-section, even though Theo swears that Thanksgiving foods don’t have calories… It’s nice to have a challenge with my love.

I’ve also been reading a book called “The Drama of the Gifted Child” all about how our childhoods – both the good parts and the bad parts – shape our perception of ourselves and the world. As the oldest sort of – my older brother grew up with his mom and my younger brothers and I grew up with our dad – I’ve never really given much thought to birth order other than feeling like I had it the hardest – paving the way for the younger siblings and all. But as I was reading this book, and over a couple of weeks of thinking about it, I realized that a couple of things are linked to the experience of having three younger brothers…
a. having extremely high expectations for myself
b. feeling like I have to get it perfect, whatever it is
c. worrying about being not enough

As the oldest kid, and perhaps as a girl child, I felt not just like I should help my mom with my little brothers, but that she really needed me to. I don’t know what I thought would happen if she didn’t have my help, but it must have been something big… of course, at that age (5 or so), Mom being unhappy in anyway is a huge concern, so maybe that’s all I was worried about. I’ve always expected great things from myself – perhaps that all started with expecting myself to keep the little brothers on track to help Mom and Dad. I’ve also felt that, at least with things that really important to me, I need to get them perfect before I turn it in, perform it, mail it, etc. That’s certainly linked to having high expectations, and acting class has been a huge help in relearning this trigger of not performing until it’s “perfect”. What will happen if I perform something that’s not perfect? I’ll get some great direction and some great feedback and will have the opportunity to bring it back and do it again better. What will happen if I never perform it because I need to get more solid on my lines, I haven’t had enough time this week to work on it, I’m still thinking about the character? I’ll never put it up, never have the opportunity to learn and sit in the back of the class feeling like I suck because I’m not good enough, brave enough, smart enough, etc. Much higher consequences than just deciding to put up with imperfection. And as for feeling “not enough”, it’s all linked up. By believing I have to get it perfect and having extremely (read “too”) high expectations, I often feel not enough – not skinny enough, not brave enough, not knowledgeable enough, etc. These feelings keep me from excelling and meeting my high expectations – I stop myself before I even get started. Not a recipe for success. How do I quit?
a. Lower the expectations – a run doesn’t have to be a hard 45 min every time. It’s enough to get out and move a little every day.
b. Get rid of perfection – do silly things! Don’t worry about the consequences of things that aren’t that important. Be brave.
c. Tell myself, every day, in lots of ways, that I am enough. Visualize it. Believe it.

So, all that said, it’s true that at the moment, I don’t fit the body type of leading lady. It’s also true that leading lady is what I want to play. Since I don’t think the industry is going to change as quickly as I hope my career does, I’m changing my size, but not by beating myself up for being “average”, telling myself to do it while believing I can’t really, and feeling not enough. Instead, I’m going to run a little bit every day, keep doing yoga, keep a food journal and plan meals for calories, and cheer myself on positively. And look at bikes on Craig’s List to find a cheap road bike I can take to work. Consistant and dedicated effort, in the words of the yoga sutras.

More on working, and then some.

Work opportunities are flourishing! I got called in for a Swiffer commercial last Thursday and have a callback on Monday! Woo-hoo! What makes it a double “Woo-hoo” is that the first time this casting director called me in, I was out of town, so I couldn’t make the audition. Then, when I mentioned that my agent wasn’t calling me in, he said to tell him that he (the casting director) said I should be called in for anything I’m remotely right for because I would get callbacks. And he was right – I got one! I also dropped off a load of yoga resumes at a businessy area near where I live. I’ll follow up on those in a couple of days and see who wants to do lunchtime yoga at their office. AND I’m training in a week at a local bar. Now we’re talking “bar”, not club. Dive bar. Better yet, a dive karaoke bar. It feels like a real neighborhood family place. My friend, Laura, who just moved to LA from DC… she’s only the first of many… the rest will come. ;) Anyway, Laura and her fiancé arrived 2 weeks ago after a ridiculous , SERIOUSLY ridiculous moving saga, and Laura had no luck with the temp agencies, so she did a bartending course. Through that course, she found out about this opening in Culver City. I happened to have an audition near her place yesterday, she told me about this bar, and I called and got an interview today! They like us both. They’re training us both. And some day we will both work at the same time and have a blast and the whole place will burst open with love, great drinks and baby unicorns. You just wait. It will be super to be working with her and to have some extra money coming in because reproducing headshots, getting them touched up, doing casting director workshops, paying for acting class, joining unions, getting reels edited, having a website built, and keeping up your casting pages on Actor’s Access and LA Casting, not to mention joining all of those sites and Showfax, really adds up quickly. Then you add the work I had to get done on my car after driving cross country 3 times in 5 months PLUS the gas you go through driving all over a huge city… you get the picture. So, I gave myself 6 months to start, I’ve accomplished a lot in that time, and it’s time to add in a couple of jobs. I’m also sending my standardized patient resume into the local med schools and, since my resume rocks and I have great references from DC, I’m sure something will come of that.

In retrospect -
I got called back for Swiffer, but didn't book the job. The bar likes me, but hasn't called me in to train yet - they said they'd get back to me by Thursday. Thinking about doing the bar training Laura did just to get onto that hot line and submit for catering jobs. And still waiting for folks in DC to give me the last little bit of info to complete my resume. But I did get cast in a short film - no pay, but some good people. I've completed the last of the voice over work for a USC project and the director said that even his composer, who had to watch the footage over and over again while figuring out the music, told him I was really really good. And the General Hospital casting director cast me in a one day shoot next week. It's background work still, but she remembered me! And I dropped of 10 resumes at local businesses and 2 at Equinox gyms, and no one is looking for yoga instructors. But I have great people around me to encourage me and I'm not giving up!

xox Jewel